Four years ago I was plucked from my normal perception of the world and cast into a pit of questioning. It was as if I suddenly felt that the world really wasn’t quite right. The sort of feeling that starts in the heart, moves to your head and then slowly turns your stomach. The more I began to ask questions, the more I realized how one sided the world I had been living in had been. I had been given a perspective, a dollop of warm mash potato with very little flavor or texture and served on a white plate of reason.
I burrowed through the internet collecting YouTube videos and documents of interest, like I was a squirrel in the grips of a mad panic to collect food for the winter. I added links to my sites of other sites, started blogging, started attending seminars of esoteric subjects and created cartoons and illustrations that I submitted free of charge to alternative news media with the firm intent of participating in this new wave of consciousness.
Had there been a label warning me of the dangers of expanding my consciousness with information and the potential for creating a gap between friends and family, the question is, would I still have taken a bite from the forbidden fruit? Yes, without question. Not because I would want to hurt those close to me but because the desire to learn more, was a feeling that wouldn’t go away and the only way to feel better was to continue to research.
Four years on and I feel a profound sense of connection to life and better yet, it’s with me more and more frequently. One of the most powerful tools I have found for maintaining a sense of groundedness (and it’s easy to go off the rails in the early stages of one’s awakening) is the work of Eckhart Tolle. His work on the Power of Now and his understanding of the ego, is truly liberating and I would recommend him to anyone looking to find or add peace to their lives. The one thing we all have in common, is the search or necessity for peace of mind.
And yet even after feeling that I have grown as an individual (and at the same time understanding that in fact I am not separate from anyone or anything) I still find myself walking head on into situations and mindlessly letting my ego run amuck. It’s curious to feel a sense of shame, like you’ve let yourself down by falling back into the old-self habits. But then something happens that never happened before. You forgive yourself. You let go of the past and reconnect with the present and that familiar sinking feeling ebbs away, like the evaporating vapour from morning dew.
The path that increasingly more and more people are finding themselves on, is one of awareness. The normal road of accepting the prescribed formula and reason for things happening in the world, no longer embodies integrity. The mainstream, scrapes layer upon layer of fear and disinformation across the bread of our lives, leaving a disheveled slice of reality. It is only when one realizes that behind you is a platter of soul-satisfying fruit and thirst-quenching wine, that one is able to switch life paths and connect with a far deeper awareness of reality.
There is another aspect to this transformation that is awkward and worth navigating through gently; words. The language I use now contains words that I never used to use before. Words like consciousness, energy, time-space, fractal and duality, are words that the average unconscious citizen rarely uses and it has been an eye-opening experience to watch people shut down when these terms are used to describe one’s experience of life. The invisible branding iron is whipped out, stamps the speaker and severs the connection of interest and understanding. Learning to use more colloquial definitions has become an increasing challenge, as has learning to avoid these subjects altogether with those not already walking the path of enquiry.
Love, patience, humility and gratitude are the coals that need gentle stoking in order to allow this train to leave the station, and it is worth considering that this great voyage we are about to embark on together, is not one that necessarily takes place wholly in the external world. For behind the eyes of the perceiver lye the blue skies of infinite consciousness and the peace of mind that as a race, we are all so desperately seeking.